No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
