i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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