just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
