She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
