Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
