saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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