Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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