Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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