Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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