i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i've created a new STD.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
