I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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