How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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