i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
did i just pee glitter
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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