Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
