I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
