Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
