Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
