I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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