I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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