Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sponge bath it is.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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