In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
