There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
