Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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