I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Randomize
