What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
