Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
