Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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