I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I believe in your delicious
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
