have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
