I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
