i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
