I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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