You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
