fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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