I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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