She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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