So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
