i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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