Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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