Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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