capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
dude. I can hear the air.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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