Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The power of my boobs compel you
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
