remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
