Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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