And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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