I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
