Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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