I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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