He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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