grandma shit on top of the toilet
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
