the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
