My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
