i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
