i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
