I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
