Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
