How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
