Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize