We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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