btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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